Spilling my guts...

I have sat down so many times to write and nothing seems to come out that's worth sharing. April and May are typically a reflection time for me regarding my past. I find myself writing about this year after year in journals and here on the blog.

Just this past Monday a special little man turned 15. I can still see his little face just after he was born. He was so handsome and very sweet natured. He hardly cried and the hospital staff let him stay with me the full 48 hours I was in the hospital after he was born. He should have been under the billy ruben lights but I guess it wasn't bad enough so he could wait. I loved snuggling with him, talking to him telling him how much I love him and why I was doing what I was doing. I hoped that what I said was written on his heart and prayed that Heavenly Father would comfort him when he needed it. I like to think that babies are born with memories from the pre-existence to help them cope with the extreme change in their surroundings. I believe that the older they get the less they remember. This gave me comfort when thinking of him going to his new parents so quickly after we met. Today he's an amazing young man. He plays all kinds of sports, plays the drums and is quite the looker. He looks a lot like his birth father but you can see some of him in me. I keep in touch with the adoptive parents via letters every year and they are so kind to tell me what's going on in their lives. I know I made the right choice so long ago... It still hurts though. A piece of my heart went with him when I said goodbye. That part of my heart still hurts and aches although time has lessened the pain. I love you Kaden! God be with you till we meet again.

Amazing Song~ Amazing Pictures

Lead Me...

This is a touching song I have heard that's about a couple having marriage difficulties and working to resolve them. It's helped me for sure...



I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

God's love is never ending

This is taken from a dear friend's blog whom I love very much... You should check out her blog. She writes a lot from her heart.



"My soul is carried in his heart, my tears caught by his hands. In this storm he will not take this away, but he will walk with me. In this storm I will gain strength needed for the battle ahead, in this storm I will learn lessons that God needs me to know. I will hurt and I will cry, I will question and I will wonder but, I will not walk this path alone.

and I will praise him here, I will praise him now, my Father who walks with me in the darkness and the light."

Touching Shoulders With You

There's a comforting thought at the close of the day
When I'm weary and lonely and sad,
That sort of grips hold of this crusty old heart
And bids it be merry and glad.

It gets in my soul and it drives out the blues
And finally thrills me through and through,
It's just a sweet memory that chants the refrain
I'm glad I touched shoulders with you.

Did you know you were brave, did you know you were strong
Did you know there was one leaning hard,
Did you know that I listened and waited and prayed
And was cheered by your simplest word.

Did you know that I longed for that smile on your face
For the sound of your voice ringing true,
Did you know I grew stronger and better because
I had merely touched shoulders with you.

I'm glad I live; that I battle and strive
For the place that I know I must fill,
I'm thankful for sorrows, I'll meet with a grin
What fortune will send, good or ill.

I may not have wealth, I may not be great
But I know I shall always be true,
For I have in my life that courage you gave
When once I touched shoulders with you.

Author Unknown~

I Can Only Imagine!!!

To my knees will I fall when I see my Savior.

This is one of the amazing songs I heard at my Captivating retreat which changed my life forever! I am amazing, beautiful and I love my Savior and Heavenly Father with all my heart.

Here we go!

Today I had a CT scan both with contrast and without to find out what the heck is wrong with me. I've had all kinds of ideas thrown at me and I'm wondering if it's diverticulitis or chroan's disease. I'm hoping for the first since it's easier to treat. I'm also hoping for an easy fix instead of something severely life changing. Needless to say I'm hoping for a resolve instead of more and more tests. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

Also this week I'm leaving my children and husband and well frankly, everything! I'm heading to Eden, Ut. to go on a self discovery retreat. It's called Captivating and a group of women come together to connect with God and then with ourselves. I am soooo excited to be going and am hoping to come home a new woman, mother and wife. I've really struggled lately with depression and the thoughts and feelings that come with that and I've really felt alone and of no worth to anyone. Of course I know that's not the truth but still it's a very real feeling when I'm in the pit of despair. You should read the book, "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge.

Well, thanks for your time and here's to a good weekend away!

Wonder By Alex Solomon

Wonder

As I gaze and marvel, wonder and stare,
I wonder if God notices me, somewhere up there.
I wonder if He looks and marvels equally.
I wonder if He laughs and chuckles with glee.
I wonder if I’m looking Him square in the eye,
As He smiles, saying wordlessly, ‘Here am I!’
I wonder if someone else sees what I see.
I wonder if He wonders the same thing as me.
I wonder if after my life is spent,
What He’ll have to say about this say about this single event.
But one thing I wonder, more than anything at all;
I wonder if He’s having fun with it all.

My nephew wrote this poem and I love it. I've been through some struggles personally lately and I really liked how this made me feel. I hope you enjoy it too.

I know this book is true!  I know it's the word of God spoken by the mouths of His prophets!

Good Quote

I saw this on another blog and it really hit me tonight...  I hope it can help you too.

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands of our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

-President Ezra Taft Benson

The TRUTH

You were made in God's image

This video touched me and I hope it can touch you too.