Thursday, October 8, 2009


So I'm just going to put some of my feelings out there... This may be a downer but bear with me. I lately have been feeling overwhelmed in many areas of my life. While at the same time I've been able to accomplish a lot as well. My house is cleaner thanks to the children being in school, which in turn makes me feel great. I just can't seem to shake the previous feelings of I'm a terrible wife, mother, daughter and terrible in my church calling. I don't like the feelings of not being good enough and feeling very guilty because of them. I know where/who they come from but it's hard to shake after a life time of feeling this way. I burning out on many aspects in my life, calling, motherhood, wifehood (don't know that's a word, but it is now for me!) and I'm falling into a funk. It's not due to the time of year since it is my favorite, I love the coolness in the air, colors, HALLOWEEN! I just am having a hard time accepting me for who I am and moving on with that an gaining strength from it. I hope I'm not the only one who has felt this way and I'm pretty sure I'm not but it always is healing to put it out there instead of holding it in. Are there other ways of coping and dealing with this other than the basic Sunday answers? I sure am struggling to find my way out and know I will eventually find my way out. I just need to put my feelings out there and hope when you my reader reads this that you'll still love me in the end. I sure do love all my friends out there and miss several of them since I've moved here to Salt Lake. I do at the same time love the friends I have up here and cherish the time with them.

I hope you can gain something from my rant, and I hope I can gain strength as well.


Jess said...

I think everyone has felt this way at one time or another. I don't really know what to say, I wish I had some really great advice on how to overcome these feelings, but alas, I don't. I still love you, I don't think something like this would ever make someone not love you. Hang in there, it will get better, try to look at all the positives in life. Focus on all the good things you do, instead of dwelling on the bad. All of us have things we could work on, we all have faults, but we also have a lot of good qualities too. You are a good mom and wife, you just need to focus on that. Love you tons!!

T + 2 said...

Aww sweetie I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! I've definitely been there, and it can get simply terrifying being overwhelmed with these negative emotions. Hang in there Heather! If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask!

Amanda said...

Heather- I have struggles with similar feelings, especially issues with guilt (shame). I am learning that there is a difference between guilt and shame and that guilt is how we feel when we've done something wrong and it motivates us to do something different. Shame, however, is: why didn't you? why can't you? you're so stupid. etc. and shame doesn't motivate us to change so it's pretty much useless. I am learning ways to let go of shame and I attribute it to going to therapy. I've used all the basic church answers and then some and still had a problem. Sometimes it takes more. Therapy has been that answer for me. Call me sometime and we'll talk about it more!

Tiff said...

Oh Heather! I am sorry you are feeling this way; I have felt similar feelings as well. You are not alone in feeling this way.

And girl, just so you know, I look up to you; always have...and you have been a great example to me! I think you are amazing and you would so kick my butt in the Mother, wife and churchy woman department.
TRUST ME! I have some serious insecurities!! But you know what, I love myself, even my stupid, obnoxious weaknesses. And guess does our Heavenly Father! As long as we KEEP trying to improve!

And remember, your ARE perfect! A perfectly imperfect human being, that is! (boy, isn't that something Uri would say;})

Don't despair, my friend! And don't feel the need to fill any stereotype's shoes, OK?!