Thursday, April 21, 2011

Spilling my guts...

I have sat down so many times to write and nothing seems to come out that's worth sharing. April and May are typically a reflection time for me regarding my past. I find myself writing about this year after year in journals and here on the blog.

Just this past Monday a special little man turned 15. I can still see his little face just after he was born. He was so handsome and very sweet natured. He hardly cried and the hospital staff let him stay with me the full 48 hours I was in the hospital after he was born. He should have been under the billy ruben lights but I guess it wasn't bad enough so he could wait. I loved snuggling with him, talking to him telling him how much I love him and why I was doing what I was doing. I hoped that what I said was written on his heart and prayed that Heavenly Father would comfort him when he needed it. I like to think that babies are born with memories from the pre-existence to help them cope with the extreme change in their surroundings. I believe that the older they get the less they remember. This gave me comfort when thinking of him going to his new parents so quickly after we met. Today he's an amazing young man. He plays all kinds of sports, plays the drums and is quite the looker. He looks a lot like his birth father but you can see some of him in me. I keep in touch with the adoptive parents via letters every year and they are so kind to tell me what's going on in their lives. I know I made the right choice so long ago... It still hurts though. A piece of my heart went with him when I said goodbye. That part of my heart still hurts and aches although time has lessened the pain. I love you Kaden! God be with you till we meet again.