Just Another Love Story (DO NOT COPY WITHOUT PERMISSION)

There are times in one's life when you meet someone you could never forget. I can still remember the day we met. It was August 19, 1999, a beautiful clear summer's day. I had been up late the night before and was sleeping on the couch when a friend came to drag me to an Institute activity in the park down the street. I reluctantly went, concluding that if I didn't give in now I would never hear the end of it. Besides, I had nothing better to do. She came late. She had gone to pick up the sandwiches for lunch. The moment I saw her I knew there was something tantalizing about her. To begin with, she was radiant. Her curly dark brown hair danced like springs, her lustrous lips constantly pulled back in a smile to expose her perfect teeth. It was her eyes that caught my attention though. Looking into her eyes was like swimming in a deep, refreshing, sapphire lake at the end of a long and dreary hike. In short, she was perfect. As we introduced each other we quickly found that there was quite the age gap to overcome. Her name was Heather, and she was 21. I was only 18 and barely out of high school. My thoughts were at least I could hit on her if nothing else. This proved to hinder our relationship only momentarily.

For weeks I came back to Institute, yet she was nowhere to be found. Rumors started circulating that she had been missing to date a man she had met in early August. I was disappointed to hear such news, though everyone else seemed quite happy for her. Finally, I heard that our class was to take a trip to Manti to visit the temple. I nearly jumped out of my skin with joy as I hear that Heather was to join us! This was my chance to really get to know her, and let her get to know me.

As we were leaving, I asked to ride in her car. She was relieved to have me ask, as there were several guys in the class with their eyes on her, none of which sparked any interest in her. During our ride down I really learned who she was. She had a strong testimony, one that would impress the Pope himself, yet she had not been without her trials. She had two children but felt strongly that she needed to place them for adoption. She had been married before, yet her husband became abusive shortly after the wedding, so she left him. These trials had helped to forge her into the stunning woman that now sat beside me in her car.

It was at the temple that I first learned of Jim. As she spoke of him my blood raced with envy. I pictured her speaking of me as she did of him, of completing that void in her heart with me. She spoke of him with such fondness and hope, yet something in her eyes betrayed her, including a profuse hatred for sandals and open-toed shoes as well as painted toe nails. His lack of respect for her feelings on these and other such matters hinted of a future for her of dominant repression.

As I returned home from the temple trip, I couldn't wait to tell a close friend of mine all about this woman I had met. I told her that I had found the woman of my dreams, the one I wanted to marry, but that she was engaged to marry another man. The wise counsel of my friend must have been quoted straight from the movie; "You have to tell her how you feel. If not, you will always regret your lost opportunity." Those words echoed in my mind every day as I anticipated the intoxication of her company again and again.

Meanwhile Jim made a mistake comparable to a fumble on the one yard line in the last seconds of a neck Super Bowl game. He began to neglect Heather, and even broke off the engagement to reconsider. Heather was devastated. I supported her as a friend, never revealing to her my feelings burning inside. I was certain they would reconcile, and didn't want to cause her any additional heartache by heaping my inconsequential feelings on her shoulders. Besides, what could I offer her? Jim was mature and wealthy, and could provide Heather with a life she could only dream of. And here I was, a child, still living with my parents with nothing of my own. But within the rubble of a broken relationship grew an unexpected love. We grew closer and closer every day we were together. We quickly found ourselves inseparable. But as Jim returned and begged for a second chance, it was an impression she received in the Visitor's Center at the Salt Lake temple, again on an Institute activity, which caused her to choose a boy over a man. If we felt close before, we could look back on it as though we were strangers merely saying hello as we passed each other on a busy street.

But our ecasty was short-lived, for I soon would leave the woman of my dreams, the one who had given so much to be with me, to serve a two-year mission. The obstacle had loomed in the mist long enough, and was now upon us. Fear and doubt filled our hearts as I held her for the last time before leaving on my journey.

I received a letter with four months left detailing her doubts and frustrations over the last twenty months of our separation and I was certain we had met the end. We wrote the very little those last months, and I hardly expected my request to meet me at my homecoming to be granted. Yet, to my amazement, as I walked down the stairs from the terminal, she was there. It had taken great convincing on my sister's part to get her there.

Some would expect at tearful, intense embrace after so much time apart, but there was only a handshake. It took months of agony and frustration, searching again for the intensity we had once shared, before our triumphant return to that temple in Manti, where we were sealed for time, and all eternity.

To some this may sound like just another love story, but not to me, and my beautiful wife, it is a fairy tale come true.

This is our love story written by my amazing husband, Marc. I love him and always will. This was also written in the first couple years of our marriage and now we're going extremely strong at 10 years later.

‎"Unbroken"

‎"Unbroken"
I bend but I do not break.
I crack but I am not in pieces.
I may be bruised but I am not damaged.
I am shaken but I am not shattered.
I can be wounded but I cannot be destroyed.
I may cry tears but tears will not dissolve me.
I can stumble but I will rise.
I may sit down in acceptance but I will stand up in action.
I can be hurt but I will heal.
I may be very discouraged but I will become very determined.
I am not broken.
I’ve been bent, but life has bent me.
I am bending, but I am choosing to bend.
As I am bending, I am strengthening and mending.
I am still alive and standing.
Life is everything that has bent me but does not break me.
I am unbroken.

I did not write this but I love the message it delivers.

Gone too soon...

This is my friend Echo... She left this life on November 2, 2011. We have been friends since Jr. High school and went through many bad times together and a lot of good times together. Our lives were separated after high school for a while and then we reconnected on Facebook a few years back. We talked often and got together a couple times and when her younger sister Amber sent me the news telling me my "sister" had died I was in complete shock. She was just 33 like me... Such a short life. A few days before she passed she started posting spiritual thoughts on her Facebook page, which looking back makes me think that her subconscious knew what was coming.
Her sister asked me to read something at her funeral which is tomorrow, Nov. 12th, and I was very honored to be asked. The family wants me to read one of the posts she put up which I love.

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
Mary Stevenson

I love you Echo and will never forget all we went through.

Spilling my guts...

I have sat down so many times to write and nothing seems to come out that's worth sharing. April and May are typically a reflection time for me regarding my past. I find myself writing about this year after year in journals and here on the blog.

Just this past Monday a special little man turned 15. I can still see his little face just after he was born. He was so handsome and very sweet natured. He hardly cried and the hospital staff let him stay with me the full 48 hours I was in the hospital after he was born. He should have been under the billy ruben lights but I guess it wasn't bad enough so he could wait. I loved snuggling with him, talking to him telling him how much I love him and why I was doing what I was doing. I hoped that what I said was written on his heart and prayed that Heavenly Father would comfort him when he needed it. I like to think that babies are born with memories from the pre-existence to help them cope with the extreme change in their surroundings. I believe that the older they get the less they remember. This gave me comfort when thinking of him going to his new parents so quickly after we met. Today he's an amazing young man. He plays all kinds of sports, plays the drums and is quite the looker. He looks a lot like his birth father but you can see some of him in me. I keep in touch with the adoptive parents via letters every year and they are so kind to tell me what's going on in their lives. I know I made the right choice so long ago... It still hurts though. A piece of my heart went with him when I said goodbye. That part of my heart still hurts and aches although time has lessened the pain. I love you Kaden! God be with you till we meet again.

Amazing Song~ Amazing Pictures

Lead Me...

This is a touching song I have heard that's about a couple having marriage difficulties and working to resolve them. It's helped me for sure...



I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

God's love is never ending

This is taken from a dear friend's blog whom I love very much... You should check out her blog. She writes a lot from her heart.



"My soul is carried in his heart, my tears caught by his hands. In this storm he will not take this away, but he will walk with me. In this storm I will gain strength needed for the battle ahead, in this storm I will learn lessons that God needs me to know. I will hurt and I will cry, I will question and I will wonder but, I will not walk this path alone.

and I will praise him here, I will praise him now, my Father who walks with me in the darkness and the light."

Poem by a dear friend...

My heart was Humpty Dumpty, it sat upon a wall.
Throughout my life, young and old
My heart had oh so many falls.
Sometimes it chipped a little bit,
Other times it completely shattered.
It often hurt, bruised and bumped,
But I wondered if it even mattered.
Was it worth putting back together?
Was it even possible?
I knew I couldn't do it myself,
Was there someone I could call?
Of course there was, but only one.
The one who loved me best.
He came with me and healed my heart
Showed my beauty, gave me rest.
It wasn't without sorrow,
Work and pain companions too.
But oh how worth experiencing
That my Savior has the glue.
His glue not only puts hearts back together,
His glue's not used just for it's stick
His glue is the balm of healing
It's the ONLY glue that'll do the trick,
That puts my heart back together
Makes it stronger than before.
Takes my heart and makes it whole again,
The wounds I feel no more.

Amy Uhl

Touching Shoulders With You

There's a comforting thought at the close of the day
When I'm weary and lonely and sad,
That sort of grips hold of this crusty old heart
And bids it be merry and glad.

It gets in my soul and it drives out the blues
And finally thrills me through and through,
It's just a sweet memory that chants the refrain
I'm glad I touched shoulders with you.

Did you know you were brave, did you know you were strong
Did you know there was one leaning hard,
Did you know that I listened and waited and prayed
And was cheered by your simplest word.

Did you know that I longed for that smile on your face
For the sound of your voice ringing true,
Did you know I grew stronger and better because
I had merely touched shoulders with you.

I'm glad I live; that I battle and strive
For the place that I know I must fill,
I'm thankful for sorrows, I'll meet with a grin
What fortune will send, good or ill.

I may not have wealth, I may not be great
But I know I shall always be true,
For I have in my life that courage you gave
When once I touched shoulders with you.

Author Unknown~

I Can Only Imagine!!!

To my knees will I fall when I see my Savior.

This is one of the amazing songs I heard at my Captivating retreat which changed my life forever! I am amazing, beautiful and I love my Savior and Heavenly Father with all my heart.

Here we go!

Today I had a CT scan both with contrast and without to find out what the heck is wrong with me. I've had all kinds of ideas thrown at me and I'm wondering if it's diverticulitis or chroan's disease. I'm hoping for the first since it's easier to treat. I'm also hoping for an easy fix instead of something severely life changing. Needless to say I'm hoping for a resolve instead of more and more tests. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

Also this week I'm leaving my children and husband and well frankly, everything! I'm heading to Eden, Ut. to go on a self discovery retreat. It's called Captivating and a group of women come together to connect with God and then with ourselves. I am soooo excited to be going and am hoping to come home a new woman, mother and wife. I've really struggled lately with depression and the thoughts and feelings that come with that and I've really felt alone and of no worth to anyone. Of course I know that's not the truth but still it's a very real feeling when I'm in the pit of despair. You should read the book, "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge.

Well, thanks for your time and here's to a good weekend away!

Wonder By Alex Solomon

Wonder

As I gaze and marvel, wonder and stare,
I wonder if God notices me, somewhere up there.
I wonder if He looks and marvels equally.
I wonder if He laughs and chuckles with glee.
I wonder if I’m looking Him square in the eye,
As He smiles, saying wordlessly, ‘Here am I!’
I wonder if someone else sees what I see.
I wonder if He wonders the same thing as me.
I wonder if after my life is spent,
What He’ll have to say about this say about this single event.
But one thing I wonder, more than anything at all;
I wonder if He’s having fun with it all.

My nephew wrote this poem and I love it. I've been through some struggles personally lately and I really liked how this made me feel. I hope you enjoy it too.

Hmmmm....Bear with me...

I'm just venting here so bear with me. For the past year I've had some stomach pains and lately they've gotten really painful. So I went to the Dr. today and after a urine test I was informed my white blood cells in there were through the roof! Well, I don't have any symptoms of an infection dealing with that area but they're going to test it more to see what they can find. Also, I had a blood test today and if it's anything like last year the white blood cells are going to be really high too. After last year with antibiotics my WBC's never went down much and I just let it go for the time being. I'm growing really anxious to know what's really wrong with me and why they won't go down. I'm currently on two antibiotics to see what will happen and see if my WBC's go down at all on Thursday when I go back to the Dr. Have any of you out there been through this at all and can offer me any advice? I don't have any symptoms of the obvious like the usual sickness would show. I have lost my appetite and have lost some weight but not too dramatically. My clothes don't fit anymore from just a month or two ago...

I guess all I can ask you for as friends, casual readers and people I don't know is for any good thoughts, advice, prayers, good karma that you can send my way.
I may be jumping to the worst of the situation but who knows if this has been the same for over a year.

So thank you in advance for reading this post and still loving me! Really, any advice would be very much appreciated.

This is why we wear seat belts

Good Quote

I saw this on another blog and it really hit me tonight...  I hope it can help you too.

"When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands of our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

-President Ezra Taft Benson

Children

They never cease to amaze me.  The light in their eyes, the imaginations they have...  I'm blown away by my children and how much they really know about life.  I love listening to the two of them talk and play together.  Of course there are many fights and plenty of punches and kids thrown but their love of life blows away any contention or frustration.  I am just now coming to understand a little more about what the Savior meant when He said, "Behold your little ones".  I love my little ones more and more each day and am so grateful for them being in my life.  Surely I make mistakes as we all do but with their sweet examples of the love of life and living it they teach me how to be a better mother daily.  I love you Hannah and Jaidyn, thank you for allowing me to be your mother and for being patient with me.

7 Years ago today

 7 Years ago today I married my best friend.  We were married for time and all eternity in the Manti, Utah temple.  I'm so grateful for Marc and the amazing man he is.  I love him so much.

Need to complain.. It's a long one!

I just have to say this week has been one of the worst ones in a long time.  My mom needed to go to the hospital for what's called a "cardiac conversion" on Monday which is a procedure where the Dr. shocks the heart to get it beating regularly again.  Her heart had been in "atrial fibrillation" which meant the top part of the heart wasn't pumping the blood correctly.  The Dr. let me stay in the room to watch the process and I must say it was horrible yet very interesting to watch.  My mom was so helpless and yet I knew she'd be just fine.  It brought back all the feelings that came when she had her first heart surgery.  She had an aortic aneurysm blow and tear into her heart when I was 16.  I was told she wasn't going to make it through the night and that I needed to make preparations.  Needless to say that scared the hell out of me and I felt a whole rush of those old emotions leading up to the procedure that Monday morning.  I love her so much and realized yet again just how grateful I am for her amazing example for me.

The very next day we found out that a pay check from some side work Marc did for a company wiring their internet and phones for them of over $1000.00 had bounced which sent us into a deep spiral of crap!  I only found out when I was at the store trying to buy milk and a few other things and I had to embarrassingly walk away empty handed and with no milk to speak of.  Luckily I had some coins at home I got together so I could buy another gallon but good grief!  We can't pay rent which was due on the 1st, buy groceries, pay any bills...  Good thing our landlord April is very understanding and is willing to work with us.  The responsible party for the bounced check said he'd cover any fees it cost us which will include any late rent fees and I wish it could cover "pain and suffering".  I've gotten pretty creative with what I've had to cook for dinner to make it exciting for the kids and us.

On top of all that stuff, Hannah and Jaidyn have come down with really horrible sore throats and have had to stay home from school.  We don't really see Marc all week due to his school schedule keeping him away Monday-Wednesday evenings until after the kids are in bed.  Then I have a class on Thurs. nights so I really don't see him or get to spend any quality time with him until Friday and the weekend.  Which leads me to this, he's gone this weekend with some of his guy friends at a cabin up the canyon...  With the week I've had I just wanted a break and some kind of relaxation but there's no money, no time and plenty of frustration.

I can say I've had a few good things happen during all this misery, Jaidyn read his first book all by himself!!!  We're so proud of him!  He just picked it up and started reading... It's called "Stop the tot" from the scholastic phonics sets.  His big sister Hannah has been quite the little teacher helping him learn and it helps he wants to do what she's doing.  I've also learned that children's laughter and loves can melt any frustrations away in a short time.

So, sorry this post is so long but I just needed to rant for a bit.  Thank you for sitting through all this, that means you really care!  Just kidding, love you all!

Jaidyn is turning 5!

My little man Jaidyn is turning 5 on Sunday and I just want to share with you how much I love him and am so proud to be his mother.  He's an amazing little guy with so much spirit and sweetness in him.  Up until just recently he's been a mamma's boy but lately he's becoming a daddy's boy and Hannah is becoming a mamma's girl.  I'm so grateful to be his mother and am constantly reminded daily of his awesomeness and closeness with his Heavenly Father.  Here's some pictures through the years... I love you Jaidyn!  The picture at the bottom shows his tenderness in a nutshell...

 

The TRUTH